Life

I Fear I am Loosing, As I am Mom!

I am now sipping my black tea in a drawing-room watching TV, while she had shut the door of her room, I have no right to intrude on her privacy, as she is an adult now, enjoying her independence. “But why can’t I do it, after all, I am her mother?

I have been quite busy all these days, shuffling between my business and home, so could not spend that much time with her. A certain gap has come in our relationship.

Experts say, mothers want their daughters to be like them, they want to see her image in them, an extension of their own identity. It is fine when a child is young but as soon she entered her teens, her individuality starts shining and she is ready to enjoy her growing age.

But as a mother, how can I stop myself from caring for her and forget my responsibilities? My legs would start trembling when she would be late for her tuition, frightened something might not happen to her. But she is swinging, flying like a bird without any worries and tensions.

But I also know that as soon she has completed her education, she will get her wings, away from my jaws.

Today I am feeling as if I am losing a mom as she was engrossed in her own life. She would not share with me anything and take up her life responsibility on her own.

But I am still pinning to hear from her, about her, I want to hear, “Mom, I want to be with you!”, I remember when she was eight years, she would sit in front of me for getting her hair oiled, but now she has acquired her style to be for the world, A fashionable Babe. Now my knock is also disturbing and intrusion into her privacy.

But is this her fault? No… it is not! It is a fault of the world that we have made for her, always trying to make her perfect, and competitive, something much better and more valuable than her hairstyle. So here I am a loser. I gave her everything that she wants but not what she needed.

There were times when she would not live without me, sitting with me even the whole day, while I would be cooking food, and she would sit with me and make dough with her own kitchen set. But now she is away. A wall is created between us. She is sometimes studying, sometimes socializing and over the other half, she is out with her friends.

She is in her teens now, the age which is unstoppable and full of bloom.

Here now when I am sipping a cup of coffee and my daughter is in the other room behind doors, I visualize her smiling through the curtain. Suddenly the doorbell rang, and I went to open it, my friend was standing at the door. I called her in. She had come to ask me for a recipe for a special cake, which I often make for my daughter, as it is her favourite. Her son is coming back from the United States after so many years, and she wanted to make the same cake for him too.

She saw my puzzled face and understood my dilemma. So she took me inside the kitchen. What we did was just a very simple thing. 

We started our preparations, collecting the ingredients which include baking powder, eggs, cream, chocolate, some dry fruits, and some milk. My friend’s name is Neena, and my daughter often calls her Neena Mausi. She is very close to my daughter. So the first thing Neena does is call Rhea out.

First Rhea hesitated but eventually emerged in a pink dress and brown trousers.  The first thing that Neena remarked is“How lovely you are looking Rhea, darling”, and “Thank you Mausi”.  

When the cake was ready, we both told Rhea to sit down at the table and cut the pieces. “But, why, it is not my birthday.” Neena replied, “Yes, I know it is not your birthday, but something very special.”   Today is Mother-Daughter day, and this cake is for you.

With a smile on her face, she cut one of the pieces and we all smiled and took a couple of selfies. The cake was sweet and yummy.

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